Dear Father Christmas.
I know it may be a little late, but this year I have a special request. I have tried very hard to be a good boy, watched my language, tried not to fuck up too much, no matter what people say. I have kept my hands to myself and not been too much of a pervert, oh by the way, the baby isn’t mine, she’s lying I had a vasectomy several years ago, had it tested and there are no swimmers here. I have been leading a good clean life, no drugs, no booze, no…… well its been hard enough without those, so please, PLEASE get those little fucking elves to pack this motorcycle for me.